"Shtop Looking at Me Shwan!!"

Before I left for Albania, my family had a strange meats festival where an assortment of exotic meats and seafood was served. One the menu, was bear chili, kangaroo patties, buffalo,elk, wild boar, Kobe beef and crocodile (Mom, if you're reading this, will you remind me what else you guys served?). I’m NOT sorry to say that that day I stuck to eating seafood. Since moving to Albania, I have definitely moved way out of my comfort zone in terms of eating meats that, quite honestly, I would prefer not to (like my next door neighbor’s adorable little lamb). But, let me say, that I am so grateful that I WASN’T invited to the following family’s house for lunch!

A couple of weeks ago, I was visiting a family when we began discussing the phenomenal plane crash into the Hudson. Naturally, we began talking about the causes and the possibility of geese being the problem. The college aged daughter chimed in and said, “We have a goose, do you want to see it?!”

Seeing that this family lived in a small apartment, I was extremely curious about this goose!! I wondered why and where they kept it!(Obviously...it didn’t occur to me that the “goose” was dead...duh!)

The girl went out on the balcony and proudly came back displaying a large plastic bag. From the bag, she revealed, not a goose, but a swan!! (Apparently, in Albanian, it’s the same word). She pulled out the lifeless head and neck, which was wet, dirty, and quite frankly, disgusting. Lovingly, she began to stroke its LONG limp neck and kept saying, “Isn’t it beautiful? I just love him!” She playfully moved its bill and explained that they’d eat the swan the next day and then stuff just the head and neck for a house decoration!

Quite honesty, I don’t know what else to say about this, except that next time my family has a strange meats festival...I think I know what should be on the menu!!

Beware of the Kurent!

Amongst Albanians, it is widely known that there is an invisible, silent, deadly force of nature, out to get anybody in its path. It’s called, “the kurent”...or, as I might call it, “a lovely summer breeze.”

Our first encounter with this tale was during our first summer here. We were speaking with a shopkeeper, trying to discuss the hot, unbearable weather. We enthusiastically shared that we bought a fan to help fight the heat (only, not so eloquently, as at that point, we were just beginners in Albanian). But he became very serious and warned us not to aim the air directly on us, or we might get sick. He instructed that we must shoot the fan at the ceiling or a wall.

In another case, we were packed in un-air-conditioned furgon (a large van used for public transportation) that was over crowded with hot,sweaty, stinky bodies in the middle of summer. Someone dared to open a window. For a brief second, I thought there might be relief from our misery! But to my dismay,the window-opener was quickly rebuked by another passenger because the breeze would make her toddler catch a cold!

Another time, I had a friend and her baby over at my house for an afternoon. Again, it was one of those famously hot days (we lived in a brick building on the fifth floor...the perfect recipe to make our apartment feel like an oven). As soon as we got in the house, I opened all of the windows and a wonderful refreshing breeze went sailing through the apartment. However, my bliss was short lived, as my guest insisted that I could only have one window open, otherwise the vicious “kurent” would make her baby sick (and turning on the fan was absolutely out of the question!!).

And yesterday, I heard the ultimate consequence of the "kurent." Here’s the following conversation Steve and I had with a taxi driver...

Taxi driver: “It’s too bad about Javo!”

(Javo is a friend of ours from church who had a double by-pass heart surgery this last weekend.)

Us: “Yes it is, but did you know that Javo had his operation on Sunday? He’s still in the hospital, but he’s okay now!”

Taxi driver (in a very condemning voice): “Well, it’s his own fault!! It’s his own fault!”

Us (shocked): “Why?”

Taxi Driver: “Because three years ago he bought a motorcycle and he rides it with an open shirt!”

So let this be a warning to you all...beware of THE KURENT!!

Don't Say Thank You!

I was walking to church this afternoon and I came across an elderly woman. Because I was already running behind, my pace was much quicker than hers, and I’d planned to quickly exchange polite greetings, and then scurry on my merry way. But as we were both traipsing through the ankle deep mud/snow slosh, I happened to look down and notice that she was wearing an open heeled slipper, as opposed to my thick heavy boots. I couldn’t help but comment on her shoes so I slowed my pace to equal hers, and our conversation went something like this…

Me: “Hello, Happy new year!”

Old lady: “Happy new year!”

Me: “How are you? How are you able to walk in the snow? Aren’t your feet cold and wet?”

Old Lady: “No, I walk very slowly and carefully.”

Me: “Okay. Well Happy New Year.”

Old Lady: “You too. May you have a baby boy this year!” (This is a common blessing to give a married woman…baby boys are so cherished here!)

Me: “Thank you!”

Old lady (now in a scolding voice): “No don’t say thank you!”

Me (perplexed): “Why?”

Old lady: “You just need to go home and make a baby boy!”

Me (now very entertained by this lady): “Why?”

Old lady (almost whispering, as if she’s sharing an age old secret): “Because your husband will love you more! If you have a baby boy, your husband will love you more!”

At this point, the lady reached her destination, we exchanged goodbyes, and I laughed to myself all the way to church.